A while back, I was at the playground with my buddy M – a physical therapist, watching as he was working with one of his one year old clients. We were about to practice climbing up the ladder on the jungle gym with the little guy when I noticed another small boy throwing spit bombs at children on the slide. So disgusting, right? The woman with him, I’m assuming it was his mom, in the shrillest voice she could muster yelled “STOP IT NOW!! I’M COUNTINGGGGGG… One, TWO, THREEE! We’re sooo going home if I hit 5…”
After she hit twelve, I stopped listening. A spit bomb landed near us and that was it, we went to the other side of the jungle gym. M and I were dumbfounded and frankly a little annoyed that this spit war was going on for such a long time. Not to mention shocked by the number of children that were spit on and dismissed by the frustrated mother. Spit Boy definitely got me thinking about playground etiquette and the way we discipline our children or those that we care for in an effective way. I’ve found it interesting that many people associate discipline with being harsh or unloving, instead of being a necessary part of child-rearing that should be exacted in a loving way. Here are a few things I’ve learned over the years that help to encourage children to have respect for their peers, their environment, and the adults around them.
1. EXPLAIN YOURSELF
For some, it might sound like a joke to have to explain yourself to a child, but repetition and consistency are the only way children learn. If they’ve done something wrong, I always encourage people to do the following: Stoop to the child’s eye level Kindly, but sternly explain how someone/something was negatively affected Express that their behavior was not the best thing to do because of how badly the other person/thing was affected.
2. SET LIMITS AND STICK TO THEM
For every action there is a reaction, so when a child acts out of turn, there must be consequences for their actions. I applaud Spit Boy’s mom for attempting to set a boundary by stating that she was counting to 5 or else they were going home. By not following through with her warning, she lost her son’s attention. If you choose to use the counting method, I usually encourage people to count to three. Any longer and I find children think your counting is now a game. Remember, this is not poker – no bluffing allowed! You want your child to take you seriously and react to you quickly.
Say sternly, “I don’t like this behavior. You have until the count of three or else____(i.e.. we’re leaving the playground/the toy is going to be put away/you get a time out)” If you’re ignored, remove the child from the scene immediately and follow through with your punishment unless they change their behavior. If they decide to act out again, remind them that they were just spoken to and follow through with the punishment. No exceptions.
3. APOLOGIZE
People whether big or small matter. Your child needs to apologize to you or the person they’ve hurt for behavior that is out of turn. This teaches empathy and respect for others. As a parent/caregiver, it also shows respect and understanding on your part if you offer sincere apologies to the hurt child’s parent/caregiver for the hurt caused.
Those on the receiving end of the apology, I get how frustrating it can be when someone else’s child puts their hands on your child or a child in your care. One thing we must remember, however, is that children, regardless of how rambunctious they might be, can only learn to be better individuals if we give them the opportunity to demonstrate that. Dismissing a parent who is trying to get their child to apologize for an error by saying, “it’s okay,” when you know full-well that it isn’t only reinforces negative behavior.
Remember, children are just that – Children! They’ll make lots of mistakes, but if we effectively guide them we will aid in raising well-behaved children and it will reflect positively on our skills as parents/caregivers.
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