By Danielle
For many, the fight to remain balanced when it comes to their children’s exposure to screens feels like a lost battle. The need to get work done, cook, tidy up, make sure that everyone is safe mentally and physically, and entertain your child feels like an endless loop of responsibility, and parents and caregivers are cracking. The separation between work, school, and home has disappeared now that we have to do them all at home, but I have found the following helpful in creating boundaries to keep myself sane and less stressed.
KEEPING IT REAL
Let’s be honest. No one is sleeping right at the moment. I am a night owl, but because my mother-in-law (MIL) has Alzheimer’s and tends to wake very early my husband and I had to quickly adjust to her schedule so that we can assist when necessary in the mornings and throughout the day. However, that doesn’t stop me from staying up late and binge-watching Tiger-King or Catastrophe, and then crying in the morning when I have to be up at the crack of dawn.
My sister-in-law who has a 7-year old daughter faces the challenge of being her child’s only companion when her husband works… and she cooks, cleans, sets up her daughter’s daily Zoom classroom and helps her with her homework, plays endless games to entertain her daughter, and then listens to the musings of her husband when he gets back, gets dinner together and then prays for bedtime to come a bit sooner.
A neighboring couple has a young child under two and they both work from home. They are struggling to find the time to keep up with their work load since both their companies have downsized tremendously and are trying to keep up with the daily bombardment of emails and video conferences with a baby demanding their attention in the background.
The point is… it’s hard. No matter which way we flip it, we’re all out of our element and need to be honest with ourselves about how crappy, suffocating, and stressful this situation can feel sometimes. We may not be able to do it all and that’s perfectly fine. Just do your best or at least one thing a day that will make you feel your best.
COME UP WITH A PLAN
Every successful person has a plan… even if that plan has two steps like “wake-up” and “bathe today”. I personally found it easier to cope with my current circumstances by loosely organizing my day. I generally wake early, but I found taking turns with my husband to see after my MIL makes a difference even if it’s a half an hour extra of rest. I open my windows. The fresh air in our house makes such a difference! My daily plan is to wake at a specific time, plan to eat breakfast/lunch/dinner at ___o’clock or within that hour. Go for a quick walk or go in my backyard (the point is to get some fresh air even if it’s a quick walk around the block). Take a shower. Feeling clean makes me feel renewed after a long day of repeating myself, consoling, guiding, reminding, and encouraging.
For a parent, giving your child something to look forward to each day helps lessen stress for you and your child. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, and bedtime are essential so decide what time works best for your family. Then plug in an activity in between that will either give you a break or calm them down a bit.
We want our children to have autonomy over their bodies and be able to choose what they like, but too many choices can cause frustration for both you and your child. Remember, your child is still developing so start off small. Make meal/snack-times exciting by offering a choice between two things. If all you have is chicken for dinner or you’ve decided to cook chicken, don’t ask your child if they want chicken. Ask what sides they’d like based on what you have on hand. Or if you’re making a veggie smoothie ask if they’d like some sprinkles or a cherry on top? (In the grand scheme of things, five sprinkles never hurt anyone.)
Does your child have classes with their school during the day? If possible, take turns with your partner so that each of you has a moment to squeeze some work in. If you are with the kids solo, ask your child’s teacher if it’s possible to get a preview of the next day’s agenda for class. That way you can prep for your child’s school day and sneak some work in while your child has class. Schedule some time during the day where the kids are allowed to watch something educational and interactive to give yourself a break to do things that you’d like to do. The following resources are awesome:
YOUTUBE:
CocoMelon – Nursery Rhymes and Kids Songs
CBeebies – U.K.’s Preschool videos
WordWorld – PBS preschool series
the Houston Zoo – For your animal lovers!
TED-Ed – Informative, animated series for your older children
National Geographic Kids – Explore the world
Ryan’s World – Science Experiments and Pretend Play with Ryan
I’m a Dinosaur – Educational and comical cartoons in English and French for your dino-loving kids.
GAMES/SHOWS/RESOURCES:
PBS KIDS: Sign up for their daily news letter for activities sent straight to your inbox. My favorite PBS show for kids: Plum Landing
SCHOLASTIC : Remote Learning Resources : Enter your email, Pick a grade-level, and enjoy!
Spanish also available
ACTIVITIES THAT WILL TAKE YOUR KIDS FOREVER TO FINISH:
Have you seen that viral kid’s activity where you freeze a bunch of unbreakable toys in a container and then put it out in your yard or bathtub and let your child pour warm water and dig with a spoon to get the treasures out? That’ll buy you at least 30min.
If your child doesn’t like to get their hands wet/dirty, get a foldable tent off of Amazon and have them decorate the inside with glow in the dark star stickers and give them a flashlight. They can fill the tent with all their toys and then shine the flashlight on the stickers. Once all the lights are out the tent will glow in the dark.
Take a nap. If your kids still nap, have a set time for them to nap each day that is early enough so that it won’t affect their bed-time routines.
MAKE IT SPECIAL
One of the things that make most days hard to get through is that there are no physical boundaries that break it up, so we have to create them!
For me, doing something that signifies the end of a portion of the day is helpful. For example, each morning I open the windows to start my day. Around lunch, I’ll put on some music and stretch or dance a bit. At dinner, we cook together, eat, watch a show, and have dessert. Before bed, I close the windows, put on a sheet or mud mask, light a candle, and sometimes play a game on my phone. Start incorporating whatever helps create a separation during the day for you to help balance your mind a bit.
SILENCE IS GOLDEN
There is something to be said for those moments where you’re surrounded by nothing but your own thoughts. An essential part of a child’s development is their ability to self soothe, use their imaginations, and be independent. Set aside some “quiet time” during the day when your child is in a safe space and entertains themselves. Whether it’s for 15 minutes or 45, I’ve noticed that many preschools are incorporating this into their school day in order to encourage healthy habits in their pupils. Believe it or not, it works. While it may take some time for your child to adjust, they’ll soon come to enjoy this “freedom” to do an activity on their own or just relax.
LISTEN
When I was little there was a radio program that would come on in the evenings and they would tell children stories. I looked forward to those nights and now your children can experience something similar. Check out the following resources offering audio books to not only encourage reading, but to develop your child’s imagination!
SAY NO
As I mentioned earlier, I’m a night owl and stay at home measures have not helped at all. However, I’m painfully aware of how awful I feel when I don’t get enough sleep. Sometimes its best to tell myself no when I want to watch another episode of my favorite show or have another sip of wine, because the reality is whether it’s your child or mother-in-law waking you up at the crack of dawn it’s not worth the hangover that comes with a short night’s sleep or a full-bodied red.
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